I only need to understand One thing….
There's so much that I don't understand about this past year, so many questions left unanswered…..
When I try to replay the events of this past year over in my mind, it's overwhelming and impossible to remember exactly how it all came about and when…….
All that I can remember, without hesitation, is the deep deep pain that our family has endured, and the many tears that we have cried.
The pain is still fresh, and raw, and real, and the trial far from being over……
There's still pain and tears, and many more questions, again, left unanswered.
And within me, there's this desire to fix it all and at the same time, there's this hard reality of knowing that I can't.
As I try to make sense of it all, I am aware that I may never know the answers to my many questions,
And I may never fully understand why this has had to go on for so very long…..
And quite frankly, it's hard for me to accept any and all of this.
Through the long, drawn out months of this trial, God has been at work, though at times, it wasn't easy to see…..
And little by little, he has stripped me down, tearing away the layers of my heart, making me bare before Him……
My heart isn't what it used to be…..it is now raw, and tender and so very broken and ready for repair.
You see, though this trial isn't what I have wanted,
God has shown me that's it's exactly what I need.
I needed to be brought to this place of desperation, this place of being raw before Him,
In order for Him to be able to change and mold this heart of mine….
Without the pain and the stripping away, He would be unable to shape me the way He sees fit…..
I've walked through enough fire to know that my God, He is good; I've tasted of his goodness and I know his Word to be true….
And so, as I continue on this pain-lined journey, I continue to trust in the One who promises to make my paths straight.
And I will cling to the Truth that He who has begun a good work in me will bring it to completion, in His time.