WordPress brought to my attention that yesterday marked my three year anniversary of starting this blog! I can't believe it's been that long!
I started this blog as a way to journal my thoughts. At the time that I started, my dad had been in the nursing home for two years, and could barely communicate with us anymore, and I needed a way to release my thoughts.
As I look back, I can hardly believe all that's happened in my life and all that God has taught me.
Three years ago, I didn't necessarily see Gods ways as always being good or kind. I struggled with how losing my dad in his early 50's to early onset Alzheimer's could possibly be God's goodness.
Quite honestly, I thought it was a cruel joke. And I was devastated.
I can look back now, and I can see how God used that time to teach me some very precious and painful lessons….
You see, he used that time in my life to help me see that I was trying to control my life. I was trying to fix everything–even my dad's Alzheimer's–and it was so hard for me to accept that I couldn't.
He used that time to show me that I had been trying to control other things–and people– in my life, as well. I wanted to hold on so tight to my husband and kids, for fear I would lose them, that I was actually driving myself crazy trying to hold on so tight.
It was around that time that someone introduced me to Jerry Bridges' book Trusting God. It was through reading this book that I learned how to surrender control of my life–and my family–over to God.
I can't begin to tell you the healing that began once I surrendered that control to God. God began to heal me in areas that I didn't even know I needed healing, and he helped me to see that He IS sovereign over every thing and that I can trust him to know what's best for me and my family.
As much as I have grown in trusting God, I was in no way prepared for the trials that hit our home this past year.
Everything from the death of my dad, to my oldest daughter moving out unexpectedly, to various other life shattering circumstances, all of which turned my world upside down.
There were moments along the way when I thought I'd die under the weight of it all. Days when I didn't want to get out of bed and face what I knew was before me. Times when I wanted to hide from anyone and everyone, just so I wouldn't have to talk about it and face it.
I wish I could say that life is peachy now and the hurt is gone, but it's not. It's better, but the healing is yet to come.
Though I'm still walking through some of this, I can see where Gods been at work. I can see how he's carried me, and how he's brought me closer to my husband than ever before. I can see how I relate to my kids differently now, and how real I am with them, as opposed to trying to protect them from the pains of life.
In many ways, I'm not the same person I was three years ago when I started this blog….not only have I lost 40 pounds, but I've gained an awareness and a love for my Savior that runs deep–deeper than I ever knew possible.
And I'm real now. No facades with me anymore. Life sucks at times and I'm not afraid to be real when it does.
On a side note, for those of you who follow my blog regularly and have walked through these rough times with me, I just want to say Thank you. Thank you for your kind comments on here, and thank you for praying for me along the way. I'm grateful for all of you….