The practice of suffering….with joy . Part 2
It's hard to believe that come the end of this month, my sweet dad will have been gone for a whole year. A whole year free of Alzheimer's disease. A whole year free of pain. And best of all, a whole year with Jesus.
As I reflect back over the long, painful journey we walked through with my dad, I remember well the pain. I remember those first years of watching him slowly lose the ability to do for himself, and me crying silently in the car as we'd drive home.
And I remember well wrestling with God when I had to walk away from my dad that day we moved him into his new home–a nursing home. Oh, how I fought with Him, and begged him to fix my dad and make everything better.
It was during those four years when dad was in the nursing home that I came to understand the meaning of suffering with joy.
I read and re-read Trusting God by Jerry Bridges, and came to see God as being sovereign over everything, even my dad.
And I came to realize that the more I trusted God with my life –and my circumstances–the more I was able to rest in Him. To fully and completely rest in the knowledge that HE IS GOOD.
Trusting God with my life is something I have to do every. day. It is a daily surrender of my worries and my fears, an act of placing every circumstance at his feet and leaving it there.
When I do this, I know his joy. It's an inner peace, one that brings about a calmness where there was once chaos. A sweetness where there was once sorrow.
Knowing his joy in my suffering brings about this feeling of knowing that all is well, even in the fire. It's knowing and believing that I'm not walking alone, and that it's Him who carries me.
** I'm linking up with Ann today over at http://www.aholyexperience.com