It’s not the way it’s supposed to be….
As I sat across the table from my beautiful, brown-eyed girl, I couldn't help but think to myself that this isn't the way it's supposed to be.
My mind went back to that cold day this past January, when she just walked out, halfway through her senior year of high school.
There had been dreams of graduation, college, and even a ministry to reach the lost — only now, she's the one who's lost.
There were months of tears after that day, followed by a tragedy that we had hoped would be a turning point. But it wasn't. Rather, there was even more of a pursuit of this world.
As a mama, my heart would long to hold her tight enough to wish it away…..if only it were that easy.
But rather, I find myself still trying to get a grip on what's become our new reality.
The heartbreaking reality that the dinner table that used to seat seven, and now only seats six, seems to be something that I forget, time and time again. How many times will I have to return that dinner setting before I get it figured out?
This isn't the way I had dreamed life would be; after all, how could one feel like a stranger to one she gave birth to almost 19 years ago?
And yet, at the same time, feel as though you know this child so well that it tears you up inside watching her destroy the life that she's been given.
Nothing about this is “normal” and it's not something any parent should have to get used to.
And yet, it's our reality.
Grief has taken on new meaning for me and tears are now a “normal” part of my day.