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It’s not the way it’s supposed to be….

September 25, 2012

 

 

 

As I sat across the table from my beautiful, brown-eyed girl, I couldn't help but think to myself that this isn't the way it's supposed to be.

 

My mind went back to that cold day this past January, when she just walked out, halfway through her senior year of high school.

 

There had been dreams of graduation, college, and even a ministry to reach the lost — only now, she's the one who's lost.

 

 

 

There were months of tears after that day, followed by a tragedy that we had hoped would be a turning point. But it wasn't. Rather, there was even more of a pursuit of this world.

 

As a mama, my heart would long to hold her tight enough to wish it away…..if only it were that easy.

 

But rather, I find myself still trying to get a grip on what's become our new reality.

 

 

 

The heartbreaking reality that the dinner table that used to seat seven, and now only seats six, seems to be something that I forget, time and time again. How many times will I have to return that dinner setting before I get it figured out?

 

This isn't the way I had dreamed life would be; after all, how could one feel like a stranger to one she gave birth to almost 19 years ago?

 

And yet, at the same time, feel as though you know this child so well that it tears you up inside watching her destroy the life that she's been given.

 

 

 

Nothing about this is “normal” and it's not something any parent should have to get used to.

 

And yet, it's our reality.

 

Grief has taken on new meaning for me and tears are now a “normal” part of my day.

 
And yet, as I walk through this valley, I hold tight to the Hope that my God redeems.
 
He saved my life from the pit, and I know He can do it for her.
 
I wish I could say that knowing all of this makes things easier, but no. Not at all. No, this mama's heart is heavy for my baby girl, and that won't change. Not until the day she's redeemed.

 

 

 

 

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. KatherinesDaughter permalink
    September 25, 2012 5:52 am

    Dear Patty, my life has been affected by alcoholism and addiction. Is this what is going on? I pray that you will seek help from a professional. I am worried about you. xo Joanne

  2. September 25, 2012 11:13 am

    Hi Patty, thank you for being so transparent. Praying for you.

    God is in control, and He is always faithful. Always. My circumstances in the past that have been filled with pain and heartache look different than yours, but in those circumstances – which lasted years – God was faithful and taught me to be thankful for the smallest of things.

    • September 25, 2012 4:41 pm

      Sandra, thank you for your kind words of encouragement. You are always so thoughtful to reach out to me and show you care. You’re right, God is faithful, and I’m so glad he stays strong when I’m weak! And thank you for reminding me to be grateful for the small things, I so easily forget that. 🙂

  3. September 26, 2012 3:30 pm

    Patty, thanks for sharing your heart… my oldest also is not redeemed. He is 42 now and admitted his unbelief several years ago-he had been a good actor for years. I know the tears, the loss, the hanging on to God’s promises. And I pray, and I love, and I pray and I love some more. And I thank God for even the smallest things. Someone told me once that after I pray, to begin thanking God for what He is doing right now in my son’s life even if I can’t see it. So that is what I try to do.
    God’s steadfast love and faithfulness are true.

    • September 26, 2012 3:41 pm

      Darnly, thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement and for sharing your story with me. I’m so thankful to God for even using friends whom I’ve never met to bless me and remind me of his goodness. Lets believe together for the lives of our precious kids….

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