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passing seasons…..

September 20, 2012

As I sit in the quiet darkness of my room this morning, I can’t help but wonder if today will bring more laughter than tears…….

….or if today, my heart will still be heavy and the sadness my constant, familiar companion.

I think of days gone by, and of how very long this journey has been……

And I remember a time when things weren’t this way, though that seems like such a long time ago.

It was a time when laughter came easy and I didn’t wake up each morning wondering if today’s going to be more of the same……

It was a time when my heart wasn’t broken and that decisions needing to be made weren’t so painful and life changing.

But as I look back, I also see that I was different…..I wasn’t the worn and seasoned mommy that I am now.

I had not yet learned that sometimes loving means letting go or worse yet, saying no……

I didn’t know then how to have deep, heart to heart conversations with an 11 year old who’s heart is sad and broken over loved ones who have chosen a different path.

I also didn’t know that I could be open with my kids,letting them see my hurt and my tears, and that they can handle hearing mommy admit that she’s sad…..

As our family has walked through this fire, we have learned to walk together. There’s a “rawness” about us that wasn’t there before……

A sensitivity towards each other that’s unspoken, yet speaks volumes of love…….

Just as things aren’t what they used to be, I have to believe that they won’t always be as painful as they are right now…..

That someday, I will look back to this time, and I will be thankful for the lessons learned and for the bonds that were created.

but for now, in this season of fire and tears, I will chose to believe that God’s up to something good. That he will once again show himself faithful, and that I will be changed for good…

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