A place of desperation….
As I was out walking early this morning, I was aware of how desperate I was for this time alone with the Lord. There was an urgency to pray and to plead for his mercy and strength.
This urgency stayed with me throughout my entire walk, so much so that I doubled my distance today.
As I thought about this, I realized what was happening: God was answering my prayers.
You see, for well over a year now I have been walking through the fire. And along the way I have experienced times of numbness—times of not feeling God at all and not hearing anything when I read His Word.
And throughout this time, I have prayed and asked God to make me desperate for more of him. To give me a desire for him like I've never known before.
It's been a long road and yet, here I am, one year later and I'm desperate. Desperate for God in a way that pushes me to chase after Him. To pursue him like a man dying in the desert.
And I realize that the road that's brought me to this point has been long and hard, yet I can say without hesitation that I'm grateful. Am I grateful for the pain and the sorrow that hasn't lifted? No. Not at all.
And do I want this season to change and the clouds to lift? Absolutely. Because quite frankly, I'm sick of it.
But what I don't want is to move from this place of desperation.
When the day comes that this season is over and a new season has begun, I want to be just as desperate for God as I am this very moment.
I don't want to long for God only when things are tough.
No. I want to long for Him just as much when things are going well. When life is sweet and the days are filled with joy and smiles, I still want this longing to be here in my heart.
I guess you could say that I want my prayer to be that God would not let me forget what I've learned along this journey. That the sweetness of his presence would never grow dim, and that with every breath I would long for more of him—each and every day.