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the daily grind…..

July 5, 2012

 

 

it's amazing to me that no matter how hard things are, life goes on.

 

life doesn't just stop when the pain is deep and the sorrows are heavy….no, it just goes on.

 

and we hang on for dear life and hope we can survive.

 

 

 

as I read a friends blog the other night, she helped me to see how very often I give “pat” answers when people ask how I'm doing, for fear that people will run the other way when they find out how I'm really doing.

 

I don't know how many times I've held back mainly because I know they've heard my story before, and why would they want to hear it again?

 

Many times I've worried that people will want to avoid asking me how I'm doing because they won't want to hear the same thing they've heard from me before. I'm surrounded by wonderful, caring people who love me, yet I still have those fears.

 

It's easy to think that I have to give the “right” answer, the “godly” answer, or else others won't approve, or worse than that, they wont think I love Jesus if I share where I'm really at in my heart.

 

 

 

I love Jesus with all my heart, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm struggling right now.

 

And loving Jesus doesn't mean that I i can't hate the season that I'm in. While I'm trying to learn from it and I'm trying to honor God in it, I am sick of it.

 

I'm tired of finding no joy in getting up in the morning and wondering how I'm going to survive the hours between breakfast and dinner.

 

I'm just sick of the battle. Plain and simple.

 

I'm tired of merely muddling through my day and wondering when the next “bomb” is going to drop.

 

But this is where I'm at right now, the dirty honest truth.

 

And though I hate this season, I love my God. I trust him and I believe he WILL see me through.

 

I also know that he knows my heart and he loves me right where I'm at. Dirt and all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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