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the proof is in the past….

July 3, 2012

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it was a year ago around this time that depression began to find its way into my life.

 

it started out gradual and then became an overwhelming presence in my life.  there were days when i wouldn’t have gotten out of bed, had my husband not encouraged me and got up with me.

 

if not for the grace of God and the gift of amazing friends and family who walked through that time with me, i dont know how i would have survived.

 

just a few short months after the onset of depression, my dad died.  having walked through a painful, nine-year journey with him through alzheimers disease, i thought i was prepared for him to die. 

 

but i wasn’t.

 

his passing rocked my world and i felt the loss in the deepest parts of my soul.

 

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still reeling from his loss, i never could’ve anticipated the events that occurred just 3 short months later…

 

in january of this year, my family was hit with a blow that we never saw coming.  and it shocked us to the core.

 

my husband and i were stunned.  we were hurt.  and at times, the agony was more than we could bear.

 

we muddled our way through the months that followed, unable to make any rhyme or reason of why these things had to happen.  and i questioned God—alot.

 

just as we began to adjust to our new norm and we thought we were done picking up the pieces of our shattered lives, another tragedy hit….again, rocking us to the core.

 

just when i thought the pain couldn’t get any worse, it did.  there were days when i seriously thought the pain would kill me.

 

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here we are three months later, and i wish i could say that my heart’s not heavy and that i’m not in the midst of trial.  but i can’t say that.

 

for whatever reason, God has not allowed the trial to lift and the pain is still great.

 

my heart is still heavy and joy is a fight.

 

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but through all of this, i am learning something….something very precious and very real.

 

i am learning that i don’t have to SEE God at work in order to know He that He is.

 

and i don’t have to FEEL His presence in order to know that He’s near.

 

i have learned that i need to look back.  i need to look at the past and see where God was faithful, and let that build my trust and faith.

 

i need to look at how he’s changed me and grown me in past trials, and then rest in the promise that He will complete the good work that he has begun—even if i can’t see him working.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 3, 2012 5:52 pm

    Thank you for the reminder that He really is working, even when we can’t see it at the time. He is conforming you more into His image and that is a beautiful thing to witness!

  2. KatherinesDaughter permalink
    July 4, 2012 5:50 pm

    Patty, I have suffered on and off from depression. Faith in God has really released me from it thankfully. Please take care of yourself- have you had a physical in the last year, maybe some blood work? I had a low Vitamin D deficiency and it was contributing to my state of mind. Just wanted to pass this along. Blessings to you…

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