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The tears keep coming……

December 29, 2011

The tears keep coming this morning and I can’t keep them from falling.
I’m guessing it’s the reality that tomorrow I will celebrate my first birthday without my dad.
And quite frankly, I’m not feeling to good about that.
I have days where I can hold tight to the truth that God is good and sovereign and those truths bring me great comfort.
But on days like today, those truths don’t quite make it from my head to my heart.
On days like this, I struggle with the “whys”.
Like why did my dad have to develop Alzheimer’s disease at only 53 years old?
And why did we have to watch him slip away from us more and more over the course of 9 years?
And can anyone tell me why he had to die when he was only 62 years old?
In my mind, my dad should be enjoying this stage in his life….he should be traveling with my mom and enjoying making crafty projects for them to work on together.
And my mom shouldn’t have to be alone in the same home where her and dad built a life together and raised two kids.
And why do my brother and I have to be without a dad now?
And so the tears come right along with the “whys”, and my heart hurts with the reality that dads not coming back…ever.
On most days, I am at peace with that because I know dad is in heaven and he is enjoying his Savior. Not only that, but he is healed.
But today, those truths aren’t making their way to my heart, pouring over me like a balm, but rather I am sad and missing my dad so much it hurts.

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