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a new norm…i think

December 17, 2011

d

eath isn’t just something that “happens” and you just deal with it and move on.

no.  it’s much more than that.

after losing my dad just seven short weeks ago, i have learned that death changes you.  forever.

as much as i’ve tried to get back to normal, i can’t.  it won’t happen.

and quite honestly, i have been a bit frustrated by this new reality at times.  okay, a lot of the time.

but i’m starting to see things a bit differently now.

i am realizing that death has changed me.  losing my dad has impacted my life—forever.

and when i really think about it, i guess i shouldn’t be surprised.

i mean, he was my dad for almost 41 years of my life.

for the first half of my life, he busted his butt to provide for me, put me through years of Christian school, and college, and he went out of his way be be there for me—whenever i needed him.

he prayed for me daily, loved my husband like a son, and adored his grandbabies.

he was faithful man of God, a prayer warrior, and my hero.

how could i not expect to be changed by his death?  losing him was a significant loss.

on a more happy note, the changes in me since his death have been good changes.

hard, painful changes, but good ones, nonetheless.

you see, i feel things differently now.  i  now feel the pain of someone who has lost a loved one, and i can honestly say that i understand their pain.

i look at my kids and i appreciate them more now than i did before my dad died.  because i now realize how short life really is and how quickly time goes by.

sweet hugs from my kids are sweeter than they were before, and i want to hang on just a little bit longer.

training them in the ways of the Lord means more to me now, because i’m realizing that tomorrow may be too late.

and my husband—i see him differently as well.  i cherish every moment i have with him and his kisses are even sweeter than they were before.

all in all, i am learning to embrace this new “norm”.

i am seeing these changes as a gift from God and i am excited to see what he has in store for me.

i’ll always miss my dad and the pain may never go away, but i can choose to embrace God’s plan for me and allow him to have his way….and that’s what i intend to do.   🙂

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