have a nugget of wisdom to share with you this morning (market it on the calendar, because this doesn’t happen often. 🙂 ).
are you ready for this? okay here goes:
soon after losing a loved one, do not—and i repeat, DO NOT watch the movie Christmas Shoes for the very first time.
trust me, you don’t want to do it, it will DO YOU IN.
my daughter saw this movie a few years ago with a friend and has been begging us to watch it ever since. then last weekend, she bought it at target for $5.
so last night i popped up some popcorn and my hubby and i sat down with her to watch it.
H-O-L-Y- C-O-W…i cried through 90% of the movie. seriously. i really did.
it was a “good” movie, as far as movies go, but not exactly the kind of movie you should watch after losing someone close to you. especially if you went through a season of watching your loved one die slowly—like i did.
i of course thought of my dad the whole time and couldn’t help but think back to that last week i had with him before he died. the last time i held his hand. i still remember every detail.
it’s been 7 weeks today since my dad went to be with Jesus, and i can honestly say that the pain has a little less of a sting than it did before.
the tears still come unexpectedly and i would still love to hold his hand, but i can honstly say that though i miss him like crazy, i am now happy for him that he’s with Jesus and is having the best Christmas season of his life.
grief is a wierd thing and i’ve learned that it is actually a process.
those first few weeks after dad’s death, i think my grief was coming from the long 9 years of walking dad through alzheimers—watching more of him slip away with each passing week. i think i was reeling from the reality that the journey is over. and also the fact that i had lost the last bit of dad that i had left–his physical body.
i have now moved into the area of just missing him. remembering old times and laughing through tears over the funny things he used to do.
i will actually picture him at times and want to just frame the images in my mind.
there have been moments when i’ve been in a store and i have seen a man who from a distance looks like my dad.
i don’t wonder anymore “why” dad had to go, but rather, i see it as God’s kindness that he chose to take dad home. he’s in heaven now, and he will never be sick again—how could i argue with that?
that’s not to say that the pain is gone. it’s certainly not.
but it’s bittersweet now and it’s mixed with a peace that i can’t explain.
because of all that God has been showing me in the past weeks, i can honestly say that i am now seeing this process as an opportunity to now more of my Savior.
so, will i watch Christmas Shoes again this Christmas season? absolutely not.
but i will rejoice in knowing that my dad is having the time of his life….i love you, dad.