in the twilight zone….
honestly don’t know how people make it through grief without Jesus.
it’s been about 5 weeks since my dad passed away and i feel as though i’ve been in the Twilight Zone.
it’s as though i am on some other planet just watching life go on around me. and yet, i am somehow functioning and managing to keep this home afloat.
in the past five weeks time has literally went by in a whirlwind and i can’t remember what happened when. i remember being at my dad’s funeral like it was yesterday, and yet it feels like it’s been years since i held his had—just the week before his death.
in the past 6 weeks, we have traveled four different times and quite frankly, i am exhausted.
there are nights when, as my head hits the pillow, i can’t remember what i accomplished that day, and yet my kids are fed and warm in their beds, content.
as i look at the disorder in my home right now i can be tempted to feel completely overwhelmed, and yet, i look at my kids and see that school is getting done, laundry is washed, and again everyone is fed.
i have asked myself, “how is this possible? how can i be surviving this choas and how am i making it through the pain that feels as though it’s going to swallow me whole?”
and that’s when i hear his still small voice, reminding me that he is carrying me through.
i may not be “feeling” excited about the Word of God right now and i may not be able to “feel” his presence like i used to.
but it’s during times like this when i have to forget about how i “feel” and go with what i KNOW to be true.
i KNOW that God is good—all the time.
and i KNOW that God works ALL things together for good for those who love God.
i KNOW that He will never leave me or forsake me and that he carries me in the palm of his hands.
i know that when i can’t make sense of how things are managing to get done around here amidst the chaos, i can be sure that He is the One covering for me and giving me strength—even when i’m not feeling it.
i’m so thankful that i don’t serve a God who relys on me—on my works or my accomplishments or even worse, on my feelings.
but rather, i serve a God who wants me to rely on him.
a God who delights in loving me and carrying me when i can’t carry myself.
22 The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; 23they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” ~ Lamentations 3:22-24