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grieving is normal….

November 14, 2011

L

ife for me, has been looking a bit different these days.

since my dad’s passing just over 2 weeks ago, i’m just not myself.  i am exhausted, both physically and mentally, and i seem to do everything in S.L.O.W. motion.  what would normally take me a few minutes to do, now takes me a while.

i realized over the weekend that i have been fighting the grieving process.

without even realizing it, i had been angry with myself for “allowing” the grief to affect my daily routine.  i guess i thought i could come home from the funeral and just jump right back into life.

boy was i wrong.

i couldn’t do that even if i wanted to.

and i can’t fight the grief.

after sharing with our small group on friday night, many of them helped me to see that i NEED to grieve.  it’s a normal process and it’s necessary in order for healing to take place.

they helped me to see that i don’t have to be ashamed of the tears that come without warning, and i don’t have to fight the sadness and the fatigue.

what i NEED to do is allow my body to grieve.  and by doing so, things will have to look a bit different in my life and in my home.  and i NEED to be okay with that.

that may mean that i don’t get up at 5 a.m. for my quiet time, but that i do that later in the morning so that i can get more sleep.

or maybe i need to change around our school day a bit in order to make things a bit more relaxed and not so “by-the-clock”.

it also means that i need to allow my husband to help me when he offers to, and to not feel as though i must do it all myself.

and more than anything, i NEED to allow Jesus to heal me.  i need to pour myself out to him, over and over again.

i need to take my grief and sit at the feet of the One who brings me comfort.  and i need to allow him to pour out his love and wipe away my tears.

over and over and over again.

i need to be okay with pausing throughout my day to acknowledge that i need Him and that i can’t go through this without Him.

he is the Lover of my soul and i know that he wants nothing more than for me to be whole again.

i also know that he is using this time of grief to reveal more of himself to me, and to help me realize how truly desperate i am for more of Him.

as much as this loss is breaking my heart, i know that once i am on the other side of this trial i will know a sweeter love from my Savior than i’ve ever known before.

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