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the new “norm”….

November 5, 2011

i

t’s hard to believe that it’s already been one week since my dad passed away.

the time has been flying by, yet at the same time, i feel as though i lived six months of life in the past week alone.

dad’s funeral was nice (as nice as funerals can be anyway) and a clear salvation message was shared.  there were many unsaved relatives there, and my hope is that a seed was planted in the hearts of everyone there.

after the funeral, we had a nice time of fellowship with loved ones, some who we hadn’t seen in many years.

we spent a couple of days with mom, helping her make necessary calls, picking up dad’s belongings from the nursing home, and a few other odds and ends that we didn’t want her to worry about once we left.

hugging mom good-bye was heart-wrenching to say the least.  i wanted to hang on so tight and wish away the grief that we were both feeling.

as we drove away from my mom’s house, i felt as though i was leaving someone behind.

there was an obvious absence, and i felt this need to check and make sure we had all the kids.

it wasn’t until we were halfway home that i realized what was missing.

it was my dad.

there is a void now.  not necessarily in my heart, because he’s still very much there.

but there is a definite void in my life now.  and i feel it with every move i make.

i feel the void the minute i wake up in the morning, and it goes with me all throughout my day.  it’s there when i lay down to sleep at night and when i wake up during the night.

and the wierd things is, i don’t know what to do with the void.

it’s almost like i’m different now and i’m not quite sure how to act.  or even who i am.

i know it will take time.  lots of time.

i’ve been saying good-bye to my dad over and over for nine years now.  watching little bits of him slip away each time i see him.

and this past week was the final good-bye.  i had to say good-bye to holding his hand and kissing his forehead.

but there is something i am realizing as i write this.

i ‘m not saying good-bye to my dad forever.  it’s just good-bye for now.

because someday, when the Lord sees fit, i will see my dad again.

and he’ll know me by name.  he will hug me and dance with me and we’ll never have to let go.

N.E.V.E.R.

but the void is still there and will continue to be there for quite some time.

the tears will continue to come without warning and the pain won’t go away anytime soon.

but i praise God that i have the Hope and the promise of being reunited with my dad again in Heaven.

that’s one party that will never end.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. November 5, 2011 12:42 pm

    I so happy that you were able to hold his hand. I lovet my Dad and in 2001 and my mother in 2006. It has been hard and i think about them all of the time. Grieving does take time and you will have sweet memories that you will treasure. I believe in forever families.
    Blessings to you and enjoy as many moments as you can with your mother.

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