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beginning of a long week….

October 30, 2011

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omorrow is the beginning of a long week.

after breakfast we will head to iowa to be with my precious mom and other loved ones who will be coming for dad’s funeral on tuesday.

the past two mornings i have waken up to the thought that maybe this is all just a bad dream.

that just maybe dad is still in his bed at the nursing home and i will be able to hold his hand once again.  and i’ll be able to kiss his forehead and whisper “i love you” in his ear.

but then reality sets in and i realize that it’s not a dream at all.

i just lay there and remind myself that dad really is gone and that he’s not in his bed anymore.

he’s in a much better place, that much i know.

he’s in heaven, dancing with the angels and worshipping his Savior, which is a beautiful thing for me to picture.

but here, on this side of heaven, that reality hurts.

it hurts because, even though i am happy that dad is with Jesus, i am going to miss him so very much.

you see, my good-bye with my dad didn’t just happen for the first time last week when i saw him for the last time.

my good-bye started nine years ago when alzheimers began to run it’s course.

for the past nine years, i have been saying good-bye to bits of my dad, little by little.

it seemed as though everytime i saw him, more of him was gone.  another good-bye.

but this time, the good-bye was different.

it was different in the sense that i had to say good-bye to the last bit i had left of him—his physical body.

i now had to say good-bye to being able to touch him, to holding his warm fingers in mine and hoping that he somehow knew it was me.

this good-bye has been more painful that i ever imagined it would be.

i walk through the house in a daze, often not even knowing that i was staring off into space.

just when i think i can’t cry anymore, the tears come without warning.

but it’s really a beautiful thing, this grief i feel.  because it shows me how deeply i loved this man, my dad.

he was my hero.

the one who could build anything and fix everything.

the one who loved without condition and who dedicated his life to sharing the love of Jesus with anyone who would listen.

i am so proud to be his daughter.

and i know that he had to be filled with so much joy when he met Jesus face to face this past friday morning.

and i can’t imagine the overwhelming sense of joy he experienced when he heard Jesus say,

Well done, my good and faithful servant.

tuesday will be hard. and it will take a while for the healing to come.

but i wouldn’t trade for anything the joy i’ve known in being my dad’s daughter.   i will always be proud of him and he will always be my hero.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Rebecca permalink
    October 30, 2011 5:44 pm

    Beautifully written, Patty. Our hearts & prayers are with you all this week.
    Love,
    Rebecca & Steve

    P.S. There is a strange video ad above. I know that you would not approve of it. Not sure if you were aware.

  2. Rebecca permalink
    October 30, 2011 5:45 pm

    Now the Ad has disappeared, very odd!

  3. October 31, 2011 7:53 am

    Beautifully written. I am feeling for you and thinking of you as you miss you dad and missing your strength for the days, weeks and months ahead.

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