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wishing it all away……

October 22, 2011

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ith my dad being so near death, i’ve found myself thinking how much i’d like to wish it all away.  i know i can’t, but if i could, i would wish away alzheimers disease and my dad would be healthy and whole and home with my mom.

i would wish away the many memories that i have of the past 9 years on this alzheimers journey.

i would wish away the day my mom called and told me that dad was walked off the job because he had gotten lost at work and forgot where he was supposed to be.

i would wish away the look of sorrow in my dad’s eyes as he came to realize day by day that he couldn’t do the things that used to come so easy to him, such as adding simple numbers or hammering a nail.

i would also wish away the memories i have of watching dad slowly forget the proper way of eating his food.

and i would gladly wish away the memory of walking away from dad the day we moved him into the nursing home.  and the memories of him hugging me and crying every time we came to visit him there in those first few months.  he would hug me and tell me that he thought i was never coming back.

i wish i could wish away the violent stage he went through in this awful disease.  i would love to pretend that my mom will not forever remember the day he went after her because he thought she was an intruder, causing her to lock herself in the bathroom and call 911.

i’d wish away the reality that i haven’t heard my dad say “i love you” in over 2 years or more.  not because he doesn’t want to say it, but because he can’t.

i’d love to wish away the reality that my youngest won’t have the memories with his papa that his older siblings have.  he wasn’t quite a year old when dad had to go into the nursing home.

the list could go on and on, but it won’t change the reality that my dad is dying.  that my dad’s time here on earth is almost over.

that his work here is almost done.

but there is a beautiful side to this reality as well.

you see, my dad was a good steward of the life the Lord gave him.  and he lived a heaven-focused life.

he knew that this world was not his home and that he would eventually go to a better place—heaven.

and so he used his time well and he shared the gospel with everyone who crossed his path.

for as long as i can remember, dad spent his monday evenings visiting people from church who were sick or discouraged, and offered them words of hope and truth.

so while i would wish away so much of these past few years, the one thing i would not wish away is this:

the reality that dad is going home.

he is going to walk into the arms of Jesus and he will spend eternity doing what he’s always enjoyed most—worshipping his Savior.

i wouldn’t deny him that for anything in the world……

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One Comment leave one →
  1. October 22, 2011 7:19 pm

    Oh Patty, I am praying for you and your family, that God would comfort you as you grieve and give you joy as you rejoice that your dad will soon be in heaven with a new body, rejoicing as he sees his Savior face to face.

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