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the list never ends…..

September 27, 2011

j

ust when i think i couldn’t possibly add another symptom to the L-O-N-G list of premenopause symptoms that i’ve been experiencing, i’m proven wrong.

much to my dismay, in the past couple of weeks i have been experiencing insomnia.  great, huh?

doesn’t that just seem to go great with depression, anxiety, and flucuating weight?

no.  i don’t think so either.

UUGGH!

i had a few nights of the insomnia the week before my trip to vegas, and at the time, i didn’t think much of it.  i just figured i was excited about my upcoming trip or maybe i had eaten something wierd that threw off my sleep.

it wasn’t until last week that i realized it was more than that.  every single night in the past week and a half, i have woken up every night, at least 2 times, sometimes 4 times or more.

sometimes i can just roll over and go back to sleep and other times i can’t.  other times i just lay there for what seems like forever and just can’t go back to sleep.

at first, it seemed like a nuisance.

but now, it’s more than that.

now it’s affecting me  in more negative ways.

i am to the point now that i am so tired that i feel sick.

my body just feels weak and my energy is zapped.

i literally have to force myself to do anything right now and i hate it.

i have a couple of friends who have encouraged me to use the times that i’m laying there unable to sleep to really seek God and meditate on Scripture.  i’m going to write out some verses and put them by my bed for that very purpose.

even though i know that God can use that time of sleeplessness to reveal great things to me, there is still the physical aspect of just feeling downright “crappy”, if you will.

it just seems like i begin to get somewhat of a grip on the way things are and then “BAM” — new symptoms come up, along with many new challenges.

i want to use this trail as a means of pushing me to run to Jesus, but i have to be honest, i’m exhausted.

i’m exhausted and sometimes downright frustrated by all of this.  and you know what?

i know God can handle that.  i know he can handle my frustrations and i know he can handle the “why’s” that i find myself asking quite often as i walk through this season.

so, on a more practical note, i have sought counsel from a medical professional who i know, and he has given me some recommendations for some natural supplements that may help me with sleeping through the night.  i pray it works.

and i’m also consulting with my family doctor via phone today, just to see if he’d be willing to check my nutrient levels and my thyroid, just to be sure everything is functioning properly—other than my crazy hormones, that is.

we all know those aren’t functioning properly, now don’t we?  🙂

i know God wants to use this trial to sanctify me, and i want to be sanctified, believe me.

however, i also know that God wants me to be able to effectively care for my family, and without proper sleep i can’t do that.

i plan to go the the health food store tomorrow and buy some of the supplements that were recommended, and i’m hoping to eat a bit more “organic”, in hopes of not putting things into my body that could make this worse.

please pray for me if you will, that God would just give me clear direction as to what he would have me do regarding all of this.

all of the natural/holistic doctors i have been recommended to are out of my insurance network, so they’re not an option.  at least not right now.

and it’s almost impossible to get a conventional doctor to go along with anything “natural”.

seem hopeless, doesn’t it?

but it’s not, because i know the giver of Hope and his word promises that all things will work together for my good, because i love him and have been called according to his purpose……

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