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hanging on….

July 12, 2011

 i was all geared up to go for my annual physical yesterday, only to find out when i arrived there that my appointment was canceled because the power went out in their building, due to the storm earlier that morning.

not that i wasn’t relieved to not  have to go through the “fun” yearly ritual that us ladies must go through, but i was disappointed that i wouldn’t be able to talk to my gynie about the physical issues that i have been dealing with.

fortunately, they were able to reschedule me for this thursday afternoon, which really surprised me.

the past week or so has been hard.

i have been dealing with episodes of anxiety.  my chest will get tight and i’ll find myself having to talk myself down in order to avoid  having an anxiety attack.  i have no idea what’s triggering these “episodes”, but i think it’s a safe bet that they’re related to my hormone issues.

God has been so kind to bring good friends along who are speaking truth into my days, and who are faithfully praying for me and asking me how i’m doing on a regular basis.

there are alot of  moments these days where i just want to retreat inside of myself and shut everyone else out.  moments where i want to be alone; and yet, when i am alone and things are quiet, my head is filled with “noise” and i can’t focus.  uuggh.

when i go in to see my dr. on thursday, i am going to ask her to test my thyroid, because a lot of my symptoms can be related to an under-active thyroid, as well as perimenopause.

i think the hardest part of this is the feeling of helplessness that i so often feel these days.  and yet again, God is using my wonderful husband and friends to remind me that they are here for me.

it’s really hard for me to ask for help.  prayer i can ask for.  help–not so much.  i know it’s pride and self-sufficeincy, and i know that God brings us through seasons where he wants us to allow others to serve us.  and yet i fight it, because i don’t want to be a burden.  as i shared this with some close friends of ours, they sweetly reminded me that when we deny others the opportunity to help us, we’re denying them of the blessing they would receive for serving.

so i’m praying that God will show me where i need practical help, and that he will help me to humble myself and accept the help…or even ask for it. eewwww, that’s so hard!

i’d love your prayers along the way…thanks!

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