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however blessings may come…

July 7, 2011

well, basically i hate this season i’m in.  that’s where i’m at today.  these hormones of mine are totally going wacko and i’m following suit.

today has been a struggle with a capital S.

and the struggle is mainly with myself, moreso than with my  kids.  sometimes i think that’s even harder.

i woke up feeling the heaviness on me like a heavy blanket, and as much as i tried to shake it, i couldn’t.

and yet, even in my darkness, God knew.

God knew exactly how i was feeling and he made sure to let me know.

as i was getting ready this morning, i was listening to my favorite christian radio station, and the song I Life My Hands by Chris Tomlin came on.  at the time, i wasn’t sure if it was chris tomlin or not, but i knew i loved the song and that God has used it to speak right to my hurting heart.

i decided to call the radio station and ask them who sang it.  the gal i spoke with was so sweet and was chatting with me as she was waiting to get into their computer system to look up the song list.   after some brief chit chat, she kindly asks me how i’m doing and i tell her that i am going through a hard time right now and that God used this song to minister to me.  she then went on to ask me if she could pray for me…right then.  and i said yes.

i totally didn’t expect that.  but i needed it.

and God knew that.

after we prayed, she then told me to feel free to call the station and ask for her anytime i need to talk or need prayer.  while i probably won’t do that, it meant the world to me that she offered.

just another gesture of God’s love.

not ten minutes later, the song blessings by Laura Story came on.  i’ve heard this song many times, but this time it spoke right to my heart.  it was about how God often uses the trials and tears in our lives as the biggest blessings.

and i know that to be true.

as painful as this current season is, i can look back a few years ago when my dad had to go into the nursing home and remember the darkness i walked though during that time.  and yet, i can also see that i learned more about God in those dark hours and days and weeks than i ever knew before.  and i knew a love that i didn’t know existed.  and though that time was awful, the beauty that has come from it is priceless.

i wouldn’t trade the knowledge that i now have of God- because of that dark time in my life- for anything.

so as much as i hate this season, as much as i hate the struggle and the inner pain that i find myself in, i WANT whatever God has for me when this is all said and done.

Psalm 34:8

8Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

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