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the ups and downs of 40…

July 1, 2011

you know, when i was about 38, things started changing.

on me.  and in me.

i started having hot flashes for one thing.  i would be fine one minute and then the next thing i knew, i was burning up and couldn’t get cool fast enough.

then came the night sweats.  i would wake up during the night and the front of my shirt would be soaked.  seriously.  i thought maybe the temperature in the house was flucuating or something.

along with all of that came the irregular cycles.  really L-O-N-G one month and barely anything the next month.  or wait, maybe not one at all the following month, and 2 the next month!  lucky me, right?  2 in one month, who can beat that?

I can.  a few months back, i had one that lasted–are you ready for this–21 DAYS.  i’m not kidding.

then came the 3 pounds here and there that would be there one week and gone the next.  water retention, so i hear.  isn’t that a pretty thought? “why no, I haven’t gained weight, BUT i am retaining water this week.”  uuggh.

thanks to the help of some sweet friends, i came across natural progesterone cream, which helps balance out the hormones, along with the symptoms.  ahhhh, sweet relief.

or so i thought.

i’m 40 now, and along with 40 came the mood swings.  don’t belive me?  ask my family.

i’m fine one minute and crying the next.

i’m happy as can be one minute and madder than a hornet the next.

and i’m so stinkin tired, no matter how much sleep i get.

and did i mention that i’m hungry? for chocloate? all.the.time.

thankfully, i haven’t been eating it all the time.  because i’m too tired to make chocloate chip cookies, that’s why.

i’ve realized though in the past week or so that i’m not doing so well.

the symptoms that i thought were under control aren’t so under control anymore.  and the mood swings that i thought i was hiding, i’m apparently not doing so good at hiding them anymore.

and i’m tired.  very tired.

after talking to my sweet hubby this morning, i realized that maybe i need to get some medical advice.  uuggh.

i SO don’t want to do that.

i want to control how i feel and i want to control what’s happening and i want to control my body and i want to control……I WANT CONTROL!!!

but right now, i feel as though i have none.

and i hate that.

but, as my wonderful hubby helped me to see this morning, maybe this is where God wants me to be right now.

out of control so that HE can be in control.

i tend to forget how much better life is when i trust God’s plan rather than mine.

but i don’t want to have to tell my doctor that i’m struggling and i don’t want to possibly be medicated and i don’t want to have to tell others that i am struggling.

but what about what GOD wants?

maybe God wants me to tell my doctor that i’m struggling so that my doctor will tell me what i need to hear.  and maybe God will want me to take a medication that will allow me to serve my family better. and just maybe God wants me to tell others that i am struggling so that i will be humble rather than seeking to do things on my own, which equals pride.

but it’s a battle for me.  really, it is.  because i want others to view me as strong and having it all together.  i want others to see me laughing and think that i am a happy person.  i don’t want them to see weakness.

but God tells me that it’s in my weakness that his power shines through.

God doesn’t want me to be ashamed that reading his Word has been a struggle for me lately because i have been falling asleep while reading it.  and that when i have been able to stay awake i haven’t been able to focus on what i’m reading.  He doesn’t look down on me for that, because he knows my heart.

he knows that i long to feel his presence and that i long to be fed by his Word.

so, i’ll keep reading my Bible and i’ll keep praying as i go through my day.  and i won’t give up.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 1, 2011 4:30 pm

    From a nurse perspective; it would be good to go into a OBGYN and find out what is going on. I have been through all you have described and medication did help me. In my day they didn’t know much about PMS; but in retrospect I think I had that. I had huge mood swings. I do believe in alternative methods of care; which may be an answer. I also believe that the spirit has inspired men in the creation of advanced medical knowledge. There are great options out there for you.
    I also believe that God wants us to take care of our bodies and using medical intervention is good.
    Blessings and prayers for you!

    • July 1, 2011 5:32 pm

      Thank You LeAnn, i so appreciate your encouragement and advice. it helps to hear from someone who’s been there! Your responses are so thoughtful! Have a blessed 4th!

  2. Carolyn Johnson permalink
    July 4, 2011 7:39 pm

    Patty, please don’t try to go through this without the help you need, it isn’t worth it to try to tough it out…seek the help the Lord has provided you…seek the council of your doctor as well at the council of the Bible….please….Hugs, Mom J

  3. Aleece permalink
    July 7, 2011 10:00 am

    Patty,

    I have a wonderful endocrinologist if you would like her name. My ob wasn’t much help. Wanted to quick fix me with a band aid when other things were going on. Give me a call if you want her number:)
    a

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