I miss Dad
A lot of people have been asking me about my dad lately. i find myself giving the same answer these days, “Oh, he’s about the same. doesn’t talk anymore, sleeps most of the time, will only eat twice a day now, and he’s losing weight.”
most days, i find that i have grown “used to” the way things are with my dad. but then there are days like yesterday when i realize how very much i miss him.
i was folding laundry when my sweet matthew innocently asked, “how old is papa?” i answer, “papa just turned 62.”
as i answered matthew though, my heart started beating a bit faster and i felt the tears threatening to fall. 62. my dad is 62 and he’s been in a nursing home for 3-1/2 years due to early onset alzheimers. how can that be?
how can it be, that when he went into the nursing home, he knew who i was, he longed for us to come visit, and he told me repeatedly that he loves me. and now, now he’s just a shell of the man he was 3-1/2 years ago.
now, he lays there and shows no response when i speak to him. he can’t even begin to say “i love you”, and most times, he can barely keep his eyes open.
and yet, i can’t get enough of him when i’m there. i have to hold his hand or run my fingers through his hair. something. something to remind me that he’s still here.
as i was dwelling on this yesterday, the Lord ever so sweetly spoke to my heart.
he reminded me that He created my sweet dad and that even though dad seems to be a shell of the man he used to be, God still has a very special purpose for my dad’s life.
God showed me that, even today, he is using my dad to touch my life and the lives of my family. He showed me that He’s not finished with my dad yet and that He’s not finished with me either.
You see, God began a good work in my dad many many years ago, knitting my dad’s heart into the godly man that he was and still is in my eyes.
and God’s Word promises that “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion.” that work in my dad will be complete when dad goes home to be with Jesus.
until then, God is going to continue to use this sweet man to remind me of God’s faithfulness. He’s going to use him to remind me of my desperate need for Jesus, every second of every day.
you see, my dad lived by faith. he never, not once, doubted God’s faithfulness and God’s promises to provide for our every need. and God always came through.
“Thank you Lord, for the legacy that my dad has left for me and my family. thank you that he knows you and has loved you with his every breath. i thank you that, even though he can’t respond to us, he can respond to you in his heart. i thank you that you can minister right to the very core of him, and that nothing, not even Alzheimers disease, can separate dad from your amazing love.”