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it starts with me

March 17, 2011

as i think about training and nuturing my kids, i think of the verses i want to teach them, the character training i want to do with them, and the relationship building that i want to cultivate in them with their siblings.

i plan and plan for how to instill good vaules in them, i set aside time in the morning to read the Bible to them, and i do my best to be consistent….though i fail in this quite often.

i was reading a couple of different blogs today and both of them shared the same message:

Change in my kids starts with me, the mom.

i can read to them all day long, have them memorize a hundred verses on what love looks like, and walk them through conflicts with each other until i am blue in the face.

but if i am not living these things out in my own life, these things i want to see in them, what’s the point?

I read this quote from Ann Voskamp today:

 Raising your own flesh and blood is this exercise in seeing how dirty your flesh is — and how direly you need the blood of Christ.

when i stop and ponder this statement, i am speechless.  the truth in that statement humbles me.

i then came across this statement today from Sally Clarkson

 But, as I learned to embrace my call to intentional motherhood as God’s will and design for me, I began to fall more in love with my children. I had this grid in my mind through which I saw all of life. I love God. God has shown me what He wants of me. I need to give myself fully to this design.

nothing in my life has caused me to be aware of my sinfulness than having kids has.  seriously.

before having kids, i seldom dealt with anger.  i considered myself a patient person.  i looked for ways to help others.  and i was always on time….i just had to add that.

you would think that having kids would bring out the best in a person, but not me.  i love each and every one of my babies, but it has been a challenge learning how to selflessly love them, selflessly give up my time, my body, and basically my life to care for them. 

and even after five kids, i am still learning.  i am definitely a work in progress.

i’ve heard this said many times, and i know it to be true;  when we are dealing with issues with our kids, challenging issues that bring us to our knees, God is often  after something in our hearts more-so than he is our kids.

those very changes that i want to see in my kids are often the very thing that i need to change in myself.

when i am seeing my kid’s sin as being so huge and appalling, i need to look at my own sin first.  once i take a good look at this muddied heart of mine, i will be less tempted to be appalled by my kid’s sins.

i think i’m going to ponder this topic for a while.  i’m going to commit to praying  about the condition of my heart and ask God to reveal to me where i need to grow….and i’m going to trust Him to give me the grace i need to make those changes.

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