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Merry Christmas, Dad….

December 16, 2010

dear dad,

it’s Christmas time again and this year will mark our third year celebrating Christmas without you here with us.  i miss you just as much as i did three years ago, but something’s different this year.

you see, i don’t find myself asking God anymore why you have alzheimers disease and why you had to move into a nursing home in your late 50’s. 

i don’t find myself angry anymore over the fact that you don’t know me and can’t return my hugs, or even share a look with me.  though i miss those things something fierce, i am not angry anymore.

and yes, i would still love nothing better than for you to be healed this side of heaven, but my happiness isn’t wrapped up in that hope anymore.

you see dad, God has done something in me that would make you leap for joy if you could.  he has shown me that He is my Hope and that my happiness can only be found in Him. that the happiness i have found in him is Everlasting, and that nothing, not even alzheimers disease, can seperate me from His love.

Dad, God has shown me that it’s ok for me to miss you, to long to feel your hugs again, yet He has also shown me that i don’t have to be angry anymore…you want to know why, Dad?  it’s because He is Sovereign over my life…over my family, over you and mom and justin, and because of that, i can trust him to know what’s best for me, even when it hurts.

you know that i’ve loved the Lord for years now, it’s something you prayed for most of my life, and for that, i will always be grateful.  but this year, Dad, i’ve come to know Jesus in ways i never knew him before.  i now know his grace and see signs of it in every aspect of my life.  i know him as my All in All, and i now know what it means to know the peace that surpasses all understanding.

and though you can’t rejoice with me right now, i know that a day is coming when we will rejoice without ceasing, we will hug each other and you will even spin me around, all the while saying, “praise the Lord!”

i love you, dad, and i will be forever grateful to you for giving me the greatest gift of all, the gospel.

merry christmas, dad……


4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 16, 2010 2:39 pm

    Patty, when I read this post I am filled with joy as I see what an amazing work the Lord has done in your heart. He truly has worked this circumstance for good in your life. I know it is hard, but God is receiving much glory from how you are walking through this season.

  2. December 21, 2010 11:20 am

    As someone else I know may say, “you’re not wasting your pain.” You’re using it so someone else may find comfort in Him who is bigger than our problems.

  3. December 21, 2010 11:42 am

    This was beautiful, Patty. And surely one day in forever your Dad will agree, and you can rejoice and celebrate together.

    merry christmas to you!

    • December 21, 2010 11:55 am

      thank you so much for checking out my blog and for your sweet comment. your blog is such a blessing to me and i feel honored to have you reading mine! your post today was especially meaningful to me……thank you.

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