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what am i conforming to?

October 19, 2010

i’ve been doing it again.  i’ve been trying to “comform” to something that isn’t me, isn’t our family.  as we’ve been doing school over the past few eeeks, i have been unhappy with the way things have been going.  it’s not that the kids aren’t doing well with their school work, because they are.  as a matter-of-fact, they seem to love school.

what i’m talking about is my tendency to try to run our home in a way that isn’t right for my family.  i sit down for hours trying to find the perfect school schedule and the perfect chore chart, etc. but i’m missing something.  i’m once again making our school days about school and not about family.  not about relationships.  not about character.  all of those things are at the TOP of my reasons for home schooling, and yet i easily fall into the habit of trying to conform to a plan that works for others.  i think that because other people do their school a certain way, then i should too. but what i’m neglecting is the deep conviction that the Lord has layed on my heart regarding our homeschool.

this past summer, the Lord layed it on my heart that i need to be teaching my kids godly character.  and the Word of God.  He convicted me that I hadn’t been using His Word when training and correcting my kids, and that I hadn’t been teaching them what godly character is.  so, before starting the school year, i was determined to focus on those things.  but i didn’t. 

i got caught up in the busyness of the school year and spend my mornings feeling somewhat enslaved to the clock and the school work ahead of us.

i am so thankful to God for waking me up to this fact.  for loving me enough to bring me back to where i need to be.  for giving me conviction about something that i so easily lost sight of.  i am so thankful that he is a forgiving God, a God of second chances, and that even though i wasn’t necessarily sinning against God by losing sight of what’s important, i did stray from what i know to be true….and that’s that the most important thing, the only thing that really matters, is teaching my kids about the One Who obeyed in our place, so that we could know the God Who breathed life into us.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

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