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my way or His way?

September 15, 2010

i like control.  or should i say, i like to be the one in control, of my life, that is.  i want to be in control of what’s going to happen or be the one to fix what has already happened.

i want to control the health of my family and i want to heal those who need healing.  i want to bring happiness to those in my life who are sad and lonely and i want to protect my kids from the world around them. 

i really want to “fix” my dad and never hear the word alzheimers again and i want those who are depressed to know what it’s like to be joyful on a regular basis rather than having to struggle for joy.

i’m sure you get the picture.  maybe you can even relate.  and wanting these things isn’t necessarily bad; in fact, it’s normal.  however, my problem is that often times i try to “fix” the problems that come up all on my own rather than going to the One who is sovereign over all.

giving up control has been a slow, painful process for me, yet it has been beautiful and freeing at the same time.  and i’m not there yet; i’m definitely a work in progress.  the journey mainly started when my dad went into the nursing home 3 years ago, at the young age of 58, because of alzheimers.  it was at that time that God started helping me to see that i can’t control what happens and that i need to surrender my need for control over to him.  as i said, it’s been a long, painful process.  however, since God began this process in me, i have experienced freedom in ways that i never thought possible.

as i began to trust God with my life AND with the lives of those i love, i was somewhat relieved of the burden i carried to “fix” them.  not that i don’t still struggle with that, but it’s a different type of struggle now.  i’m aware of the struggle now, therefore, i can now remind myself that God is in control and that brings me great comfort.

the book, Trusting God:even when life hurts by Jerry Bridges played a big role in my growth in this area.  i still refer back to that book when i am struggling.

God has been kind to remind me of this lately as i’ve been working to plan our school year.  he has really been laying it on my heart to bring the Scripture into our school days more, into our lives.  i can so easily get caught up in the whole aspect of school that i forget my mission…to teach my kids to love the Lord their God, with all their heart, with all their soul, and with all their mind, AND to love their neighbor (a.k.a siblings) as themselves.  he reminded me that i need trust Him to control my school days and to let him have his way with my kid’s hearts…and my heart as well.  he has shown me that i need to trust him that working on my kid’s character is more important than getting school work done.  if i have to spend a whole day reminding my kids how to love each other then that’s ok, because that would definitely be what God would want me to do.  that would be letting Him control my day.

for those of you who share my love for our Savior, i would love for you to pray for me when you think about it….that i would remember what’s most important throughout my day—teaching these precious ones who God has entrusted to me about the love of Jesus.  🙂

One Comment leave one →
  1. Carolyn Johnson permalink
    September 15, 2010 5:13 pm

    Oh, we are so alike….and it’s sometimes hard work being us! Can’t wait for us to sit and chat and see how much we share….and care…in the meantime, you are in my prayers.

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