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hard day…

July 2, 2010

today has been hard.  not sure if it’s hormone related or what, but either way, it’s just been hard. 

it started with me struggling to stay awake during my quiet time this morning.  i don’t remember a thing i read and i remember walking away from that time totally not refreshed.

next came the kids, who couldn’t seem to find 1 nice thing to say to each other at all…all morning long……sigh.  😦

i think what has hit me the hardest today was my trip to aldis.  as i was walking out of the store, i noticed a woman who was probably in her mid-forties holding her elderly father’s hand as she helped him walk through the parking lot.  they were both smiling and it was obvious they were enjoying each other’s company.  for some reason, it was just a hard reminder that i never got to watch my dad grow old…at least not the natural way.  instead, i’ve had to learn how to watch him age about 20 years in a 2-year time span.  i allowed myself to dwell on that for a few minutes and was just so sad to think of all i’ve already lost with my dad.  though he’s been able to meet all of his grandchildren (thankfully), he will never see them grow up.  he used to tell me all the time that savannah’s going to do great things, and i totally agree with him.  if he only knew her passion for the Lord that has developed over the course of the past year…he’d be so proud.

he’d be so proud to know that kaitlin loves to share the gospel with our muslem neighbors and that she hurts for those who are lost.

he’d love to watch noah and matthew wrestle and would probably teach them how to play horse shoes, which was his favorite past time.

and gabrielle would have him laughing like crazy with all her spunk and curls.

i know he’d still be so proud of how well greg takes care of me and puts me first (after God) and he’d want to spend as much time in the garage with greg as he could, just tinkering around with his tools and talking.

i’m so thankful for the many years that i was able to spend with my dad and for the way he always loved and cared for our family, no matter what it cost him. 

i don’t know why i’m missing him so much right now and why it hurts so much not being able to talk to him and know that he will give me wise counsel.

even in my sadness i am so thankful that my dad and i share the same love for our Savior and that even though dad can’t tell of his love for our Lord, i do know that nothing can seperate us from the love of God….not life, nor death….and i hold on to that promise, knowing that someday, dad and i will walk on streets of gold together and we’ll be able to do what he’s always loved doing…worship Jesus.

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