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forced to face it……

June 23, 2010

matthew dean playing in the rain

i have been without my sweet savannah for almost 4 days now.  she left sunday afternoon for a wonderful leadership camp and i won’t see her until friday morning….right bfore she heads off to a campout with her dad and siblings.

i’ve really missed not having her here.  i miss talking to her all day long and listening while she talks to me.  i miss hearing her sing all day long (literally!!) and most of all, i miss her wonderful hugs that she generously gives me throughout the day.

though it’s been hard, it’s actually been good for me having her gone this week.  it’s been very eye opening for me to see how very much i call on her for help throughout the day.  i don’t just mean her normal everyday chores.  i mean the way i call on her to entertain the littler ones while i try to accomplsh things.  what i didn’t realize was how often i was doing that.  since she’s been gone, i’ve literally had my 4 youngest at my side…constantly.  and that’s not a bad thing.  however, i am more aware than ever of the desperate need for training and discipline my kids need….especially the youngest one.

i have discovered this week that rather than deal with some unpleasant patterns in my matthew, i have sent him off to play with savannah.  i am seeing that i have avoided some areas of training by ignoring the behavior and by giving him a distraction…such as the entertainment of his sweet big sister.  i don’t send him off to be with her all day, but i definitely see where it has become a pattern of me doing it quite often…mainly when i don’t want to take the time to deal with his behavior.

this week, his obedience has been in-my-face, so to speak.  mainly because i haven’t been able to shoo him off every time he starts whining about something or starts pitching a fit when i give him an instruction.  it’s been impossible for me to ignore his behavior this week, which is a very good thing.  though i’ve wanted to pull my hair out at times, i am being forced to deal with it head-on AND i’ve been reminded of my need for God’s help throughout my day.  rather than calling savannah’s name when things get tough, i am calling out to God, and he is meeting me right where i’m at.

so, while i miss my sweet savannah A LOT, i am very thankful to God for giving me this time with my younger kids and for allowing me to see the need for mommy’s training in my sweet matthew.  i realize so much more now that i am not  serving my kids well if i am neglecting to train and discipline them.

i’m so thankful to God for loving me enough to give me conviction and to help me get back on track.

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