after much prayer and consideration, i have decided to be done with my weight loss journey.
i’ve lost a total of 26 pounds, am within my “healthy weight range”, and my doctor has told me that i’m at a good weight and that she wuldn’t recommend that i lose anymore weight.
while all of those reasons are good and true, they actually aren’t the reason i’m deciding to be done….the main reason is because i feel that God has called me to be done.
for weeks now, i have been fretting over losing two more pounds so that i could meet my final goal of 28 pounds, which was a goal i set for myself. at first, that goal seemed reasonable and it put me at a weight that i knew was healthy for me. but, over time, losing those last 2 pounds became more than a goal…it became an obsession, an idol.
my mind (a.k.a. the enemy) started convincing me that if only i lost those last 2 pounds i would be “happy”. or, if i lost those last 2 pounds, i would look better to others…key word here is “others”.
it then went from me not only obsessing over 2 pounds, but i then became discontent with the fact that, though i’ve lost 26 pounds, my abs are still very stretched out, causng me to still have a “pooch” in the front. though my tummy is way smaller than it used to be, i started seeing it as huge and was very concerned how others saw it. i mean, it’s ridiculous how the enemy will mess with our minds….there were times when i would be hesitant about going to church because i wouldn’t want people to notice my tummy (and of course, everyone goes to church to observe ME, right?)
through a wonderful women’s meeting at church that dealt with modesty and our need to be more concerned about our inner beauty rather than our physical beauty, and through the wise, caring counsel of a few friends, i am now able to see myself through God’s eyes once again and see how silly i’ve been.
after praying it through, i can now see that i was being discontent with what God has given me, which is a healthy body, and the ability to lose 26 pounds of weight that was unhealthy for me to carry around.
more importantly, He has given His Son as a payment for my sin so that i can live in the light of His glory and grace. i am no longer bound by my sin, i’m no longer running a path headed for hell…i’m bought and payed for, and i am FREE.
after God opened my eyes to see my lack of contentment, he also helped me to see that i need to give these 2 pounds over to Him and focus more on cultivating contentment in my life and on letting Him be the mirror i measure myself by…not the world.
so today is the last day of my effort to lose the 2 pounds….i am now going to work on continuing to exercise and maintaining my current weight and toning up some very weak muscles, all with God’s help.
it feels so good to know that my perspective and my focus is back on Him and off of me….as a matter of fact, that feels even better than when i see the numbers going down on the scale. 🙂
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