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He whispers to my soul…….

March 3, 2010

i had the opportunity to visit my dad this past weekend.  i had been trying to “prepare” myself for the visit, but i’ve come to realize that i will never be fully prepared to watch my dad slip away from me.

at the stage that my dad is currently at in the disease, the thing that shocks me the most is the way he’s aged.  he is only 61, yet looks like he’s 90.  he was quiet this time, letting out an occasional mumur, and seemed tired.

it was a very painful visit and i left there feeling numb.  i was thankful for the distraction of spending time w/my sweet mom afterwards, but once i was back home and had a chance to “think” about it, the numbness was back.

in the past, it would’ve taken me days to even begin to feel ready to “process” my feelings and i would walk around for days feeling a heaviness on me that i couldn’t shake.

on monday, God started speaking to my heart and showing me things that brought much comfort.  as i had been pondering the fact that my dad can no longer respond to me or interact with me, God ever so sweetly spoke right to my heart.  he reminded me of the many ways that He speaks his sweet love to my heart…through a soft whisper that just sweeps over my soul and brings me peace that passes all understanding. 

God helped me to see that just because my dad can’t respond to me, that doesn’t at all mean that he can’t respond to God…or better yet, HEAR from God.  in the same way that the Lord speaks to my soul, He can (and i believe DOES) speak to my dad, bringing him that promised peace which passes all understanding.

as i pondered that realization from the Lord, i realized that even though my dad had aged and just didn’t look like Dad, he DID in fact look peaceful.  he is no longer dealing with depression over knowing that he’s losing his memory; he’s no longer having rages of anger and striking out at the nurses.  he no longer has moments where he’s screaming profanities and looking like something is eating him up inside.

no, none of that anymore…….he is now peaceful.  and that is definitely something to be thankful for.

medical professionals may say that you can’t reach a late-stages alzheimers patient, but they don’t know what my God can do…….

“and to Him who is able to do far more abundantly that all that we can think or imagine, to him be glory forever…”  ephesians 3:20

 

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