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bittersweet weekend…….

November 24, 2009

This past weekend was bittersweet; we went to Iowa to watch our sweet friend, Bethany, marry her lifelong friend, Ethan.  It was a beautiful celebration of God’s grace on the lives of two, who became one.  such a fun time.  we then went on to my moms and stayed w/her until last night (monday).  we had a sweet time of fellowship w/my mom and some extended family.  we went to visit my dad on Sunday……he’s just so precious and it was harder this time than it has been in a very long time.  I had some moments alone with him and so I decided to read him some Scriptures……years ago, when my great grandma was in a nursing home she used to ask my dad to read to her from God’s word and my dad would delight in doing so.  I decided to follow the Lord’s leading and do the same for my dad…..i have to confess that I had to stop often to compose myself.  here I am reading to my dad from the Book that he treasured more than life itself, and i just wanted to fall to the floor and beg God to give me back my dad.  we’ve lost so much of him and I was just longing to have him back.  but then, it was like the Lord impressed upon me that He has my dad in the palm of his hands and that my dad never belonged to me, he has always belonged to God.  He reminded me that every day my dad is one step closer to being with the One who created him, the One who my dad has longed for for most of his adult life, the One who my dad selflessly and fearlessly talked about to anybody who would listen ~ask their neighborhood garbage man  🙂 

why would my dad want to “come back” to this world filled with sin when he is on his way to be with Jesus?  How kind and amazing of God to reveal himself to my dad all those years ago, way before the Alzheimers had a chance to take him.  I’ve come to accept the fact that it will never be easy seeing my dad the way he is now, knowing that this side of heaven I will never hear my dad say, I love You, and I will never feel his arms embrace me ….but one thing I do know is that someday my dad will greet me in Heaven and will embrace me like never before.  I also hang on to the promise that God will NEVER leave me or forsake me, and that neither death nor life or sickness can separate us from the love of God.

so, while I am hurting today and grieving the loss of my dad, i can rejoice in knowing that He mourns w/those who mourn and He is acquainted with suffering and grief….but even more than that, He has already met my greatest need on the cross.

Lord, as I am hurting today and aching to have my dad back, help me to look to you…my Comforter and my Hope.  Help me to continually run to you today when i need to pour out my heart and help me to feel your arms of love embracing me like only You can do.

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